Greg Laswell - "Come Back Down"

you're the only one dragging this out.

Album Cover: Black Days End - "Wastelands"

Thank you for choosing one of my photographs as your album cover, Chris!

there was a terrible crash.

a fire
a burning
aching
i walked for hours through the woods
dazed
searching for help
rain drops flooding my eyes
my hair
and i stopped
stared
defeated
alone
and i asked, "is this the way?"
and finally i smiled
understood:

this is.
You are.
i am.

to those that have kept my chin above water.

i write so methodically and cryptically but i would like to be bold -
it was months ago that i made a call for help, and people came flooding just as fast as it was all rising above my head.
but you have kept me higher, and for that i'd like to thank you.
oh how family can know what you need without needing to speak it. help is provided that means so much and you never know just quite how to say thank you, because it could never be enough. i don't have words now but someday i will. you are my safe place and my whole heart. more than what i deserve.
last night i sat in the dark watching the lights reflect off the water. i listened to the leaves moving and swung my feet from that park bench. i just sat. and i met with someone i hadn't really met before. not really. and we laughed. and stared. and it was so out of the ordinary.
i was swimming.
she says that things just take time, however long. she reminds me to have faith even in the hardest times. you are more beautiful than you know and worth more than you realize. and it's amazing how people come in and out of your lives in the strangest circumstances. i'm thankful you've walked in.
there's another that has known the same pain and in the irony she came and sat on the bed beside me and cried too. i stared out that dark window and the blackness blurred even more from the tears in my eyes and i sobbed and held my face and you knew; you knew. hardly seen or spoken much since we were young and naive but you came anyway and it was that night that i knew i'd never be the same. you were the second to know my secret - when i would have guessed you'd be the last to know. we were too alike to be friends and in the end it has made us sisters. and i want you to know that someday it won't be this way. it will be less and less, a distant memory. who knew that sitting in uncomfortable high school desks next to each other would later lead us to that bed years later. only god. your misfortunes were planned and so were mine and in a lot of ways you are one of the best things that ever happened to me.
there's you who continues to reach out to me even in my silence. to let me know that i am loved and never alone. a best friend i could always come to no matter the circumstances. your perseverance means the most to me. it's the ones that never give up that you should hold closest.
there's you all who have also been drowning in your own ways. you've sent letters and offered your hearts and your prayers. it's those i admired most - the ones so beaten down but they would still offer you a hand, even as they're being stepped on. you teach me what it is to be a beautiful human being, to be human at all. you have taught me so many lessons and someday i hope to have just as many to teach.
and the anchor in this storm. a wise, patient, relentless anchor. i have come to know the meaning of love in ways that i didn't before, and i'm not sure that i ever would have. you are my constant inspiration and hope for tomorrow. trust versus expectations and disappointment; a guarantee and not a promise. your intelligence far surpasses mine and your selflessness is one of the most important things i have come to realize. you show me the choices in life that we have available to us daily - that we can choose for ourselves: happiness above all things. what life is meant to be. you are strength to those that need it. a friend to so many. you are so deserving of all the happiness that this world has to offer and more. you prove that time is no matter, that good will always overcome evil, that we are not our mistakes. we are more than we think we are; the beauty is in the flaws. you came for a reason - to open my eyes. and i thank you because i am seeing now. and i hope you see the difference that you have made in a life.
what is love if not devotion?
i am blessed to know the truly most amazing people.
if you had asked me months ago where i would be today. if i would have my faith etched into my neck. if i would have a completely different mindset. - - i would tell you, no way.
but here is what i have learned:
let us be thankful.
let us be at peace.
let us know the difference.


and let us know happiness, finally.

and there i stood, waiting for nothing; breathing in everything.

last night i stood on the edge of a pier watching the sun go down and the way it was reflecting on the calm waves moving beneath my feet.

i looked to my right, and to my left; above me, and below. and i felt nothing. and everything.

sometimes i have to stop and remind myself that i am not of this world. that the problems here do not matter in the end, that the battle has already been fought, and won. i am not the writer of this story. all i have to do is stand.

and i'm not standing alone. another fact i have to continuously remind myself.

sometimes i feel as though i'd like to tear my ribs apart and break free and live and let live. my heart has been caged for so many years.

but not last night. no, not last night.

i have learned to expect nothing. the only thing you can predict is yesterday, and the past is dead and gone. so i will embrace nothing and everything.

and stand.